I’m sure most of you know that the new Nightmare on Elm Street flick is going to be hitting theaters this coming Friday. The whole blogosphere has been going nuts for Nightmare on Elm Street films. Upon reading some of these reviews, a thought popped into my head. Freddy Krueger has had one ass backwards fucked up life! It’s not much of a surprise that he’s ended up being such a nut case.
The films have given us Freddy’s back story through a series of brief flashbacks, but they have never given us the whole story in what we might call a linear fashion . Since each writer/director that jumps on board wants to add a little more to the story, and they always want to add a more messed up angle to spice up their film, as a result, Freddy Krueger has had one messed up life story! So, since The Film Connoisseur doesn’t want to get left out on the whole Freddy Krueger craze, I decided to do a blog post on Freddy Krueger's life story. Chronologically! I know a lot of you out there are revving up your engines for this new movie, and I don’t blame you. This movie could bring back Freddy in a big way! Of course there’s always that chance that it could royally suck, but hey, I’m keeping my hopes up!
So, I leave you with Freddy Krueger’s life story! In seven chapters! And with pictures!
CHAPTER 1
“SON OF A THOUSAND MANIACS!”
Freddy’s conception
One of the most disturbing parts of Freddy Krueger’s background is his conception. That moment when a males sperm reaches a female egg and voila! Life begins! In Freddy’s case, his mom (Amanda Krueger) was a nun. If that isn’t fucked up enough, she works in an insane asylum. One fine day, while she is working, the asylum personnel forgets that she is working inside, helping all the maniacs in whatever way she can. Unfortunately, due to this oversight from the asylum's personel, she gets locked up with a healthy group of homicidal maniacs! Now, these guys might be complete whack jobs, but their libidos are still working over time! Which is why they collectively decide to rape Amanda Krueger. And so, Freddy Krueger was conceived! This is the reason why he is called “son of a thousand maniacs!” It gets worse. Freddy’s mother cant take the fact that she has been raped by a bunch of mad men, so she hangs herself! Bummer huh?
CHAPTER 2
“YOU’VE BEEN A WASTE SINCE THE DAY I TOOK YOU IN!”
Freddy’s childhood upbringing.
So, Freddy is left without a family. His mother hung herself, and his father, well, who the hell knows who he was. It could have been any of the maniacs in the insane asylum. Actually, you can get a glimpse of the maniac who’s lucky sperm impregnated Amanda Krueger’s during a dream sequence on Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child.
So anyhows, Freddy is adopted by a man who looks like Alice Cooper. Oh wait, it is Alice Cooper! I always thought it was hilarious how Freddy Krueger’s step dad was played by the legendary rock singer.
But anyhow, Freddy’s step dad enjoys saying nice things to Freddy like “You’ve been a waste since they day I took you in! Now its time to take your medicine!” after saying those wonderfully inspiring words to Freddy, he begins to whip him mercilessly with a belt! Freddy cant cope with his disturbing family life, so he begins to act rather strangely in school At one point, he takes a lab rat and begins to smash it to death with a sledge hammer! His school mates see his strange behavior and begin to call him “son of a thousand maniacs, son of a thousand maniacs!” I guess, word spreads around town rather easily when you are the offspring of a nun and a looney from the insane asylum.
CHAPTER 3
“THANK YOU SIR! MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?”
Freddy as a teenager
After a while, Freddy gets used to the constant abuse from his step father. So much so that when his father whips him with a belt, he doesn’t feel it any more! Actually, he begins to like it! As his step father whips him over and over again, he says “Thank You Sir! May I have another?” His step father continues to whip him and then he says “You want to know the secret of pain? If you stop feeling it, you can start using it!” And then he proceeds to kill his own step father with a razorblade. Touching. And in 3-D no less! Poor Alice Cooper!
CHAPTER 4
“THIS IS WHERE THEY TOOK AWAY HIS CHILD. TAKEN AWAY, PUT IN A TOWN ORPHANAGE”
Freddy as a husband and a dad
So, somehow, in spite of the shit storm of a childhood that Freddy Krueger endured, he ends up getting married and becoming a dad! He has a little daughter by the name of Maggie. It looks like Freddy has finally found happiness in family life. He has a wife, a child, and a home with a white picket fence. But wait, apparently Freddy’s pent up anger wont stay hidden for long! He secretly abuses and murders children in his own home town! He has a dungeon beneath his home where he burns the bodies of the little kids that he kills! Soon, his wife finds out and to keep his secret safe, he ends up beating his wife to death! Maggie, his daughter sees it all, but he makes her keep the secret to herself. Or else. After the death of his wife, the government decides he is unfit to raise her, so they take her away from him and she is raised in an orphanage for sometime, just like her daddy. I guess it’s true what they say “history repeats itself!”
CHAPTER 5
“WELL, THE LAWYERS GOT FAT, AND THE JUDGE GOT FAMOUS, BUT SOMEBODY FORGOT TO SIGN THE SEARCH WARRANT IN THE RIGHT PLACE AND KRUEGER WAS FREE, JUST LIKE THAT”
Freddy goes to court
Even though his daughter was taken away, he continued murdering little kids in Elm Street. Reports say that he killed at least 20 kids in the neighborhood. Nobody knew who it was until he was finally caught. He went to court, but was set free on a technicality!
CHAPTER 6
“IT DROVE US CRAZY WHEN WE DIDN’T KNOW WHO IT WAS, BUT IT WAS WORSE AFTER THEY CAUGHT HIM!”
Freddy gets burned alive
So, the parents of the children who had died (basically Freddy’s neighbors) decide to take justice into their own hands and decide to burn him alive! Which they do by tossing Molotov cocktails through the windows of his home. That is, if we are talking about that flashback sequence in Freddy's Dead. If we look at this moment in Freddy's life on the short lived Freddy's Nightmares T.V. show, Freddy actually gets caught by the parents and some cops in his boiler room. He taunts a cop, telling him that he likes his little daughter, and that he is going to finish what he started with her. Thats when they decide to pour gasoline all over Freddy and light him up! Freddy burns and screams: "Ill be baaaack! Im freee! Freeee!"
CHAPTER 7
“I WANT IT ALL!”
Freddy gets visited by the dream demons
As Freddy begins to burn alive, mere moments before his death, three dream demons appear before him and offer him the power to control the dreams of humans. Just what the hell is a dream demon? I don’t know, but they exist in the Nightmare on Elm Street universe, and they are the ones who give Freddy his power. “We know what you want Freddy!” and Freddy’s like “I want it all!” and they go “Of course you do, then open up, and you shall be foreveeeer!” Why did these dream demons choose Freddy? Because that’s what dream demons do, they “look for the most evil, twisted human imaginable. Then they give him the power to cross the line and turn our nightmares into reality.”
After receiving the power from the dream demons, its Freddy’s chance for revenge. And so, the first film begins, with Freddy in complete control of his reality/dream altering powers. He goes after the children of the parents who tried to kill him. Why not go for the parents themselves? The ones who burned him alive? I don’t know, I guess it’s more fun to get their children instead, cause that’s what Freddy does best!
So that’s it ladies and gents, the full history of Freddy Kruger. This time line adheres itself to the logic set by the first batch of Freddy movies. These include:
Nightmare on Elm Street
Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge
Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors
Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child
Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare
Wes Craven’s New Nightmare
Freddy's Nightmares (TV Series)
The upcoming remake might change a thing or two about Freddy’s back story, but as far as I know, this is what those brilliant writers and directors from the 80s and 90s came up with to entertain teens across the world with. Gotta say, this isn’t a bad bunch of movies. The first three pretty much treated Freddy as a scary character…until the Dream Master came along and turned Freddy into a one-liner spewing, one man comedy show. I mean, from Dream Master onwards, we’ve had the pleasure of seeing all sorts of comedic variations on Freddy Kruger. We had Beach going Freddy, Meatball eating Freddy, Super Freddy, Kung Fu Freddy, Chef Freddy, Nurse Freddy...but whatever. I love these movies exactly for what they are. Fun, entertaining horror movies from the 80’s. Gotta love ‘em!
