Who is The Film Connoisseur?

The Film Connoisseur himself, Francisco Gonzalez

Hello to all my readers out there! I’m happy to see the blog steadily growing in readership! We now have 77 readers! I will continue writing movie reviews for as long as I can, and keep this blog running, with interesting articles and movie reviews for your reading enjoyment. We've had more than 150 posts so far! I hope you haven’t gotten to bored with my reviews and articles up to this point, and if you have any suggestions or comments, let me know below with a comment, or write me an e-mail and let me know how this blog can improve. I want to know how I can keep you guys happy! Thanks to all the regular readers, those who comment and read on a regular basis: I salute you!

I thought Id take the opportunity to let you guys know a little bit about who I am, and what I do when I’m not blogging. I have a regular job just like the next guy, but whenever I’m not earning my paycheck, I’m making movies. I enjoy writing and directing my own films. I had been making short films ever since I was about 11 or 12. Getting my two brothers to be on them, hell, I even got my grandmother to appear in one of them! Time went buy, and my love for films never died. I watched movies voraciously, learning as much as I could about he process. So I decided to jump into it full scale. For the last 5 years I have been involved in making my independently financed films. Both writing and directing.

I have made to full length features. The first one, Cannabis Cannibal, is a film about four regular dopes who have to suddenly face the ever growing zombie threat. Its about those first few moments when you find out the world is being overrun by zombies. Then we made the sequel, Cannabis Cannibal Exodus, which was a bit more epic in scale. The zombies have taken over the island of Puerto Rico, and our four protagonists have to escape the island before the government blows it up with nukes. I live in Puerto Rico (that’s a small Island on the Caribbean) so I make my movies in Spanish, for a Puerto Rican audience, but non the less, I thought you guys might find it interesting to know a bit about the movies we make. I say “we” because filmmaking is truly a collaborative effort, and I recognize this whole heartedly.

A day after we shot on this location, The Men Who Stare at Goats shot some scenes on this location as well! Ewan McGregor and George Clooney were running about on the same location we shot our little film in!

Both films were met with the audiences approval, people went to see them both, the last one (Exodus) was actually premiered in a movie theater! It was one of the coolest days of my life to see an audience laughing and enjoying our film.

My films are very low budget productions, we have no pretentions. We know we are “guerilla” style, we know we make a film with very little. And until a producer comes along and gives us a couple of million dollars, we keep making our films our own way. A handy cam, lots of natural light and lots of friends for actors and crew. That’s basically it. But the end results are surprisingly entertaining. And no matter how low budget it is, our films are still just that. Films. They tell a story, they might be low budget, but they are a mirror of what we live through in our lives. It’s an artistic representation of ourselves through art. Plus we have a blast making them as well. We entertain each other.

We used an old abandoned hospital to make the world look post-apocalyptic.

Since we don’t have money to build sets or anything, we choose our locations carefully, making sure we can maximize the illusion we are trying to create. For example, our last movie was a post apocalyptic one, but we simply shot in really messed up neighborhoods and made it look like it was the end of the world. We shoot on a little digital camera, and used lots of improvisation. We stick to the script, but also like to keep things spontaneous and fresh. As a result, dialog doesn’t feel mechanical, or rehearsed. Well, at least not all the time.

Shooting a scene with Puerto Rican actress, Joealis Santiago Filipetti. Thats me with my camara in hand!

I’m currently working on my next feature film, it will be called “Rio Piedras Mon Amour” and it will be about a cook who suddenly faces himself with the fact that he is job less, and doesn’t know what to do with his life. All that within the background of a country in chaos. The people in rebellion, strikes, government abuse and religion. Its gonna be kind of heavy thematically, but as you guys already know if you’ve been reading my blog, I love films that actually say something as opposed to empty, hollow films.

Didnt even have to build any sets to make the world look post apocalyptic!

On the side, I’m also working on a film called “Fase Delta” (Delta Phase) which is an anthology film made by three different directors…one of them is me. All three stories are focused on one theme: Insomnia. I’m currently shooting my half of the film, which will be a 15-20 minute short film about a guy who cant sleep because he is having nightmares about cops hitting people, and people in strikes, screaming and fighting and complaining…he is alone in his room during a stormy night. When the lights go out due to a power failure the main character will receive a visit from a very special individual. I should be over with the filming this week end. Wish me luck.

So anyways, just thought Id let you guys know a bit about who I am, plus it gives me a chance to post some pics of our filmmaking adventures!

As far as this blog goes, stick around, there are lots of good things coming along for readers of The Film Connoisseur. Next Monday we will begin a count down. It will be a a very special countdown done in collaboration between The Film Connoisseur and another blog that will be revealed on Monday! So be on the look out for that starting next week!

Again, thanks for the continued support to The Film Connoisseur! As Stan Lee -founder of Marvel Comics- has been known to say: “Ill keep writing, if you keep reading!”

Francisco Gonzalez

The Film Connoisseur

A Big Thank You to all my Readers!

I just wanted to say a big thank you to all my readers out there. I started this blog about seven months ago and it’s been steadily growing in reader ship. So far we got 41 readers! Thanks to all 41 of you who have read my movie reviews and commented on them!


For those of you who have just tuned in, the basic concept of this blog is to review all kinds of films, keep it varied. I don’t want to limit myself to one single genre or type of film. I like the fact that the blog is about all kinds of films from all kinds of genres, keeps things fresh and interesting. From the sleaziest Ken Russell film to the best of Federico Fellini.

So I hope you guys have enjoyed reading so far. I would like to hear your comments on how you all think I could improve the blog. If there’s anything at all that can be done better or differently, I’m open to suggestions.

Francisco Gonzalez

The Film Connoisseur


P.S. Here are the previews to a movie I made called Cannabis Cannibal Exodus, its a post apocaliptic zombie comedie about four friends trying to survive the zombie threat before they blow up the island they live in (Puerto Rico) with nukes. Sorry guys, but the trailers in spanish, cause I make my movies in spanish. Hey, but at least you could appreciate it from a visual standpoint. It was premiered in a real movie theater...great experience!!

The Stuff (1985)

Title: The Stuff (1985)

Director: Larry Cohen


Cast: Michael Moriarty, Paul Sorvino, Patrick ONeal


Review:


This is one of those movies I used to watch a lot as a kid. Decades upon decades had passed since I last saw it and I had not found a chance to revisit this childhood flick. So I decided to finally give this one the old re-watch. How did it hold up?

Well, the thing about this movie is that it has an interesting premise. The story is about this chemical sludge that comes out of the earth. Its white and looks like Yogurt. One day, this old man finds it, the same way you would stumble upon and oil gaizer. Weird thing is the first thing the old man decides to do is taste the white stuff thats coming out of the ground. The old man doesnt stop twice to think if the stuff coming from the ground is toxic or an alien germ or something. He simply tastes the white stuff, likes it and the rest is history. Soon after that The Stuff is marketed all across the country! It outsells ice cream! People are getting curiously addicted to the new product! Any side effects? Oh yeah, after you eat a lot of it, you turn into a brainless zombie with The Stuff for blood and brains! Thats all. Anyhows, this little kid starts realizes how strange his family is behaving. All anybody talks about is eating The Stuff. One day he opens the fridge and theres The Stuff moving on its own inside the fridge! The kid goes on a binge trying to let the world know that The Stuff is evil! Its bad for ya! But whos going to listen to a little kid?

So yeah, there you have it. Thats The Stuff in a nut shell. Problem is its not all that exciting. The movie is very low budget and it shows. But it has big ideas, and it does its best with what its got to put them across. I salute the movie for going further then it had any right to, considering how much money they had to make this film with. Yup folks this movie was made with a meager 1.7 million dollars! So I salute the filmmakers for achieving so much with so little.



Whats to like about this movie anyways? Well, it gets kind of eerie. It has that Invasion of the Body Snatchers feel to it. What I also like to call the Invaders from Mars syndrome, you know the one. Everybody starts acting all weird, the townsfolk, your brother, your sister, your parents and they want you to be just like them. Thats really what I find most interesting about films of this kind. You can associate these themes with the drone like mentality of religion, or any other belief system that wants everybody to think like them and if not your gonna pay! Why wont you be like us? Why be different? Just go with the flow, be like us, think like us....thats the vibe of this movie.

But interestingly enough it also has another angle to it. The addiction angle. People develop an addiction for The Stuff. It gets so bad its the only thing people eat! Its the only thing they think about. Their refrigerators only have The Stuff in it! The Supermarkets are filled to the brim with it! Everyone is going crazy for The Stuff! And the little kid opposes it and goes insane in desperation, trying to get people to realize whats going on. In one cool scene, the kid goes into a supermarket and starts throwing The Stuff all over the floor, destroying the displays, and going gung ho with his anti-The Stuff sentiment. He goes nuts. So its also a commentary on drug addiction and also a commentary on consumerism because all through out the movie they have these little commercials for The Stuff.

So its a little movie with big ideas. Had they a couple more million dollars maybe they could have gone even further with it. As it is, we get some nifty low budget effects in The Stuff. We get to see it move on its own, kind of the same way The Blob does. It grows tentacles, it grabs people! It squirms, it slides. The coolest effects really come when we see the effects that The Stuff has on people. It turns them into mindless drone like zombies! Also, The Stuff has this tendency to come out from the insides of people...looks pretty freaky. I dont know who was in charge of doing the make up effects or the effects when the stuff decides to come out of people, but they did a pretty good job. The final effect is really crazy! Its as if the people where going to explode when The Stuff comes out of them, it kind of rips their faces apart.

The downside to the movie is really its stupid dialog. Some situations are not very realistic. In one particular scene, the main character leaves a kid alone, not to be heard or seen for a huge chunk of the movie! What the hell happened to the kid? Who knows! Then suddenly, oh, there he is! The military guys in the movie look so unconvincing. You can tell they are just actors with fake uniforms and fake guns. It takes you out of the movie immediately, but it also reminds you, you are in B-movie territory and dont you forget it!
Also, even though the movie sounds like its a kick ass little horror movie, there are times when the movie just crawls to a stop with its pace. It has really boring moments to it, but they picks up the pace again whenever The Stuff takes control of people. So be ready for a movie thats has big ideas and very little money to execute them. But gotta hand it to Larry Cohen, he pulls it off one way or another, and its almost always in a entertaining matter.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5

The Dead Pit (1989)

Title: The Dead Pit (1989)

Director: Brett Leonard

Review:

Most first time directors begin their careers with a zombie film. Why? I don’t know, I guess it’s a cheap way to make a first feature film. And lets face it,  if you do things the right way,  you will more then likely make your money back cause cheap yet entertaining zombie movies always make their money back. Just ask George Romero, Zack Snyder or Dan O Bannon all of who started their directing careers with zombie movies. You can add director Brett Leonard to that list.

Story is about this demented doctor called Dr. Ramzi who enjoys experimenting with his mental patients. He likes to open up their brains and play around with them. Then, when they die, he throws them into this pit he has. Why does he have a dungeon with a supernatural pit in the basement of the psychiatric ward he works in? I don’t know, but just go with the flow here, this movie is filled with nonsensical bullshit like this! The crazy doctor is soon discovered by a colleague of his and is shot in the head and thrown into his own pit (read: express way to hell). He is locked away in the basement of the psychiatric ward where he conducted his twisted experiments. Apparently, that’s where the horror ended. Every dead body sealed and forgotten forever. Now, many years later an earthquake has unleashed his madness once again and he is looking to wreck havoc and exact his revenge upon those who shunned him.

So begins this movie. And it showed promise too! The first few minutes of this movie reminded me immediately of  Stuart Gordons Re-animator. You know, the kind of movie that opens with a bang and has this bombastic opening sequence that sets us up for what’s to unfold during the rest of the movie. Unfortunately, this movie kind of disappointed me. I was looking forward to it because I’ve enjoyed some of Brett Leonard’s other films. Lawnmower Man isn’t perfect, its CGI effects might look dated by todays standards but it isn’t completely unwatchable either. I considered Virtuosity a one up on the whole Lawnmower Man concept. I haven’t seen Man Thing, but I don’t hear good things about it. Haven’t seen Feed either. But hey at least his keeping himself busy directing the last Highlander movie Highlander: The Source. Unfortunately, that latest venture into the real of the immortals is one of the worst in the whole series. As you can see, Leonard’s list of achievements isn’t all that great. His unimpressive status still remains that way as far as I’m concerned. But what about The Dead Pit, his first feature film?

The Dead Pit was one of those straight to video movies with a cool cover art. The box had this cool aspect to it, it had a zombie on the cover coming out of some pit, and when you pressed the box in the appropriate place, the zombies eyes lit up with red lights! Great idea to get you to notice the box at the store! Did it do justice to the movie? Well yeah, there are zombies, they do come out of a pit, and one of them has his eyes light up red. But was the movie any good? Not really. Main problem for me was that the script had way too many plot holes. First off, we have a cool villain in the form of the crazy doc who likes to perform weird experiments on his mental patients. But why does he perform said experiments? Who the hell knows! He simply states that he does them because he is now “interested in death”. What?!! That’s it? Usually a doctor/scientist will have some scientific reason for his research. Like Dr. Herbert West in the Re-Animator films who conducted his experiments to try and discover the secret to immortality. But the crazy doctor from The Dead Pit? What’s he interested in discovering? Who the hell knows!! As far as I could tell, he was simply interested in opening up people and twisting their brains around with acupuncture needles! Sorry but that’s all I could get from watching this movie.

The villain is too underdeveloped. I mean, he is an interesting visual. He looks like a zombie doctor, who walks around with this needle like thing that he inserts into your eye socket. He looks evil as hell because his eyes light up red, and he looks all demonic and all, plus his got a bullet hole in his forehead and long ass demonic looking finger nails which adds to the crazy visual, but the character itself is shrouded in mystery. And not the kind of mystery that is left unsaid so it could be further developed in future movies, but underdeveloped in the sense that it had a very lazy screenplay which didn’t give us a hint into this evil characters psyche or who he was. For no reason at all, the doctor can and does resurrect the dead. No explanation is given. He can just, right out of the blue bring back people from the dead. So now you can add supernatural powers to this crazy doctors abilities.

But the problems don’t stop there. Why are zombies walking the streets for him? What is his interest in doing this? I don’t know!! But o.k., lets put the villain aside for a second. We also have the story of Jane Doe, a girl who is found wandering the streets not being able to remember who she is or anything about her past. Problem for me with this part of the movie is that it was so cheesy! The psychiatric ward she was in was not believable at all, more then anything, it was a cartoony place where we get the cliché-ish evil orderly/nurse and even worse, I thought it was hilarious that the patients in this psycho ward can walk in and out of their rooms without any kind of supervision. So we have various scenes of Jane Doe walking around the ward without anybody in the facility giving a flying fuck. Isn’t this supposed to be a place for wackos? And they are allowed to just roam free through the hallways and come out of their rooms as they please? Even funnier is the fact that Jane Doe is a major hottie! And funnier still is the fact that she walks around said ward in her ultra sexy undies. I don’t mind seeing a hot chick in a horror movie, but It just felt so forced, they simply let her walk around in her undies so we (the drooling males who are most likely to see this kind of film) could check her out. And what a fine body it is! Its one of the assets of the film, there’s one gratuitous nudity sequence in which a nurse hoses down Jane Doe and the pressure of the water is so great that it rips of Jane Does shirt and we see her glorious boobies! Holy testicle Tuesday! Great scene, but so unnecessary and obviously placed there for drooling teens and fan boys such as myself. *snicker* This is one of those movies in which the leading lady walks around naked for most of the film, so at least you have that.

Anyhows, not all is bad in Deadville. This movie was a bit boring for its first half which basically consists of the character Jane Doe having these nightmares, and though I love nightmare sequences as much as the next guy, gotta admit they felt a bit redundant. You know? First we get a nightmare sequence, then a little talk with the shrink, then nightmare sequence again…then another talk with the shrink and so on it went. To be honest, it was kind of obvious the filmmakers were very much influenced by A Nightmare on Elm Street, with the evil crazy doctor playing the Freddy Kruger role. The evil entity that visits you in your nightmares! But, finally things get interesting when the dead come out of the pit and start stalking the residents of the psycho ward. So finally, the film turns into a zombie film! But why are the zombies here? And why are they killing? And why have they been resurrected and why? Why? Why? Lots of shit happens, but, unfortunately not a whole lot of it has any reason.

Good thing this movie has going for it is we get some cool zombies and make up effects. The zombies rip open peoples skulls and rip out their brains and eat em! We get a couple of melting zombies. The one major gore sequence that is truly memorable is these sequence in which the Evil Doctor opens up a guys skull and starts doing acupuncture on his brain! And you get to see how the guy reacts to the different stimulations being done to his brain with the needles, so sometimes he laughs, sometimes he cries...really strange sequence, and its the one that I truly liked. Seriously! Can’t say you see that everyday now can ‘ya? Still, this film functions as a funny venture into 80s cheesy straight to video low budget horror films. Its got that sleazy feel to it, you know, lots of gratuitous nudity, a memorable looking villain, nonsensical violence…cheap looking sets, cheap looking everything. But one that’s cool to make fun off as you watch. Nothing more.

Rating: 2 out of 5

Lucio Fulci's A Cat in the Brain (a.k.a. Nightmare Concert) (1990)

Title: A Cat in the Brain (1990)

Director: Lucio Fulci

Comments:

I guess horror directors tend to worry a lot about how people perceive them. Many of them might be worried that people think they are demented psychos looking to bring their gory images to life. When in reality most of the time, horror directors are just mild mannered, educated, well versed human beings. I guess this film was Lucio Fulcis way of saying "I aint a criminal or a killer, Im just a regular guy who lives making horror films!"

Story goes something like this: Lucio Fulci (playing himself) is trying to direct his latest horror film. He is having trouble doing it because every where he looks and everything he does reminds him of some gory horror moment from one of his films. So he is constantly tormented by visions of gory mayhem. He will be doing some every day chore and whamo! some gory death will pop into his brain. He goes looking for psychiatric help, to see if he can calm down these horrific nightmares. Will Fulci start killing people just like his characters do in his movies?

While some people say that this is Fulcis 8 1/2, I really wouldnt go that far. Maybe in premise and themes, but obviously not in an artistic level, not in a quality level and certainly not in its acting and writing. This is after all, not Fulcis best film. This was really Fulci directing a film during his last days on this earth, literally. Id say its a low budget gory version of  8 1/2. A Cat in the Brain does have some elements you would find in a  Federico Fellini film, but ultimately, they are nothing alike. For example, Fellini had a fascination with women. His adoration for beautiful women was evident in all of his films. In 8 1/2 he has a whole sequence in which he mentally revisits all the women that have ever been a part of his life, and in the end decides to stay with his wife, and deletes all these women from his mind. Fellinis love for women was also evident with the extremely beautiful actresses he always chose for his films, Anita Eckberg being one of the first to pop to my mind, but she wasnt alone, there were many other extremely beautiful women in Fellinis films. Fulci does the samething, but he does his own sleazy version of it. While Fellini never showed any female nudity (that I can recall) he simply admired women from an aesthetic and psychological angle, Fulci goes into a more sexual potrayal of women. By this I mean, he has a lot of nudity in this film! Not only that, he has the movie end with him accompanied by a beautiful woman going on a boat ride with him in the sunset! Comparing Fulci with Fellini because of this film, just isnt right. They are two very different directors.

Still, its interesting to see Fulci doing such a personal film. And even more interesting to see him playing himself in this movie. The horror director trying to deal with the gore and violence that he sees everyday on his films. Apparently, after a while, making these kinds of movies can get to you and this is Fulcis way of saying "this shit aint easy on a day to day basis!" A Cat in the Brain is similar to Clive Barkers Nightbreed because of its premise. Fulci goes to his shrink to get some help from him, to see if his shrink can help him deal with the nightmarish images that keep popping up into his brain, but same as Nightbreed (spoilers ahead) its the shrink who decides to do the killing! (end of Spoilers) Now this is a more reasonable comparison then the Fellini one. I agree Barker and Fulci would defenetly play in the same ballpark. Both Fulci and Barker love extreme gore and shock.

Unfortunately, inspite of the movie having an interesting premise (that of Fulci going slightly coo-koo from making so many gory horror movies) the movie kind of falls flat after a while because it becomes redundant. Okay, I get this idea that Fulci is having gory images flashed into his brain from time to time, and that its driving him nuts. But unfortunately the film goes on and on in a loop showing Fulci doing everyday normal things, and then showing a gory death. Fulci might be chopping up some tomatoes, and suddenly he'll think his chopping off someones head, things like that. But the movie goes on and on this way, without really getting any plot line going or anything. His shrink keeps following around, but even this side story is resolved very quickly and in a very unsatasfying manner. So the movie kind of becomes monotonous after a while.

I mean, dont get me wrong, the gory scenes are awesome, and fun to watch. And they are very extreme. One of the death sequences in the film has a girl being stabbed to death in a shower, which was sort of the gory graphic version of Hitchcocks shower scene. Psycho's shower scene is very effective, but it isnt graphic in nature at all! So this was Fulci saying, heres my version of it! I understand this film has moments where it shows its influenced by Hitchcocks films, but saying that Fulci has perfected suspense film with A Cat in the Brain was an overstatement.

The deaths are plenty, and they are graphic, gore fans should be pleased with this one.  Some of the deaths are really deaths from other films with Fulcis wrap around story in between. Some of the goriest moments come from other directors horror films. These are Italian horror film directors that Fulci apparently endorses, so he decided to include clips from their movies in his. The clips included in the film come from the following films:

The Ghosts of Sodom (1988) (directed by Lucio Fulci)

Dont be Afraid of Aunt Martha (1988) (directed by Mario Bianchi)

Touch of Death (1988) (directed by Lucio Fulci this one is on dvd!)

Bloody Psycho (1989) (directed by Leandro Luchetti)

Escape from Death (1989) (directed by Enzo Millioni)

Massacre (1989) (directed by Andrea Bianchi)

Hansel and Gretel (1989) (directed by Giovanni Simonelli)

All in all, not a very deep film. Though its a personal film and Fulci analizes himself and how his films affect his psyche, the film didn really make the best of its premise and became redundant and dull story wise. Gore wise you'll have a good time, but story wise you' ll be wanting a bit more meat.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5

Zombieland (2009)

Title: Zombieland (2009)

Director: Ruben Fleischer

Comments:

So anyone out there who personally knows me, knows how much of a zombie head I am. Im actually working on my second zombie/comedy film called Cannabis Cannibal Exodus! So naturally when I heard about this new zombie movie that was in the works and that it took place inside of an amusement park, I was instantly pulled towards it. A tractor beam pulled me towards the theater, I was powerless. Did Zombieland blow me away and become a memorable zombie flick, demonstrating that the zombie film is far from dead? The answer to that question is a very resounding yes! Zombieland was a welcome addition to the zombie genre!

Story goes something like this: zombies have overtaken the world. Humans are almost extinct. Theres only a few humans scattered around the world, this zombie filled world where humanity has almost entirely dissapeared is all we get. Which is great cause it gives the film that extra feeling of dread. That extra edge. Four strangers band together to try and survive in this cruel post apocalyptic world.

Let me put it in simple words, this movie was awesome! It rocked the house! It proves zombie films are NOT dead, but alive and kicking and thirsting for more human blood! So where do I begin? First off, who the fuck is this Ruben Fleischer guy? The director of this zombie opus? I was incredibly impressed with the direction on this film. Its Fleischers directorial debut, but wow, what a way to start! From the opening sequence alone you get the feeling that this movie is going to be something special. Its all in slow motion, with zombies going after their victims. It was extremely entertaining. It shows the ferociousness of the zombies in this film. What I loved the most was the special moments in that opening montage, for example, the blood splattering on the screen in slow motion, naked zombie strippers with their tits bouncing on screen in slow motion as the run for some poor helpless dude, and best of all? Its all done to the beat of Metallica's For Whom the Bell Tolls! Its your basic opening sequence which establishes that the world has been overrun by zombies. It's a bit obvious that it was more then a little bit influenced by Zack Snyders Dawn of the Dead (2004) but who the hell cares, it was fun as hell! Loved the opening sequence!

We also get great characters to follow around. Since usually there are not many human beings in a post apocalyptic zombie movie, it always helps if your main characters are fleshed out and likable. This movie achieved this to perfection. Woody Harrelson was such a bonus on this movie! He is the quintesential kick ass dude. You know, kind of like Ash from the Evil Dead movies or Snake Plissken in Carpenters Escape from New York. The dude you dont wanna mess with. He goes by the name of Tallahassee. He has all the necessary things to make him a kick ass dude: snake skin jacket, guns, cool hat, attitude and bankable catch phrase. In this case, the catch phrase is "Nut up or Shut Up!" which he repeats quite a few times through out the film. Aside from that we get Jesse Eisenberg playing the straight guy to Harrelson's Tallahasse. He plays your basic nerdy, anti-social, video game playing guy who hasnt got a clue how to deal with girls. He has these rules he is living by which have allowed him to survive the zombie holocaust. The rules appear on screen every time he puts them to use which was a funny touch. The hot babe in the film is Emma Stone whom some of you might remember from Superbad or The Rocker. I liked her character because she goes against the usual helpless damsel in distress. Actually, in this movie you might start up hating her character cause she's so weary of giving others her trust, she hides behind this mean persona. Then theres Abigail Breslin, yeah, Little Miss Sunshine herself killing zombies left and right. In todays self righteous world, some might find it wrong or offensive to show a 12 year old shooting guns, but fuck it, its the end of the world, its the apocalypse, I say give the girl her gun! So, we have an excellent cast to back up this zombie epic.

What about the zombies and the gore? Well, the zombies portrayed in Zombieland are very 28 Days Later/Dawn of the Dead ('04) like. They are the viscious, fast paced, jerky, running type of zombies, which makes them all the scarier, all the more menacing. The make up effects was excellent top of the line stuff. The gore was fantastic as well. I loved the fact that this film didnt pussy out in the gore department. Thank the movie gods that this film is rated R cause we get gore and we get lots of it. We get violence, and its viscious violence! One scene has Tallahassee kicking the shit out of a fat zombie with a bat! To my amazement, they didnt cut not once, you actually see the bat repeatedly hitting the zombie on the head and the blood splattering about...freaking cool! I was like, damn, this movie has some balls! So gore fans should be plenty pleased.

This movie does what all good zombie movies do: make the film about the humans. This movie has zombies, and action and gore, but at its core its about four humans looking for warmth and family in the middle of all the craziness. Same reason why I loved 28 Days Later so much. My favorite moments in 28 Days Later are those in which the four survivors are just hanging out, laughing, falling in love, giving each other love in the middle of the madness, which is what happens in this film at certain point when they decide to hide inside of a Beverly Hills Mansion. Which reminds me, this movie holds a very special surprise in store. A friend of mine told me "wait till you see who shows up in the film!" and I was like "Bruce Campbell?" and he said "better!" and I was like "better then Bruce Campbell? Robert Deniro?" turns out my friend was right, the surprise in this film was awesome. A great choice. Not gonna spoil it. Just watch it for yourself.

One thing I thought was strange about the film was that it waits to get to the amusement park all the way down on its third half. I was thinking most of the film was going to take place inside of the amusement park and that this was going to be Dawn of the Dead but instead the humans hiding inside of a mall, they were going to hide inside of an Amusement Park. Turns out I was wrong. They only arrive at the amusement park during the films last act, which was fine with me since I was having so much fun with the rest of the film. I didnt really care, I was having so much fun out of the amusement park. Though I will say this: once they finally reach the amusement park, theres lots of cool amusement park gags in store! Including one demonic looking zombie clown which rocked the house! So all in all, Zombieland was a very satasfying zombie flick. It was a great comedy, it was an over all great film. I really cant think of anything bad to say about. So take that for what its worth! If you want to see one good horror comedy this halloween, make it Zombieland, its a rocking good time.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Haxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages (1922)

Title: Haxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages (1922)

Director: Benjamin Christensen

Comments:

So this film is about witchcraft during the medieval ages. Its based on the Malleus Malleficarum, which is basically a book handed out to inquisitors during the infamous Great Inquisition. You know the one where anyone who didnt like what the Catholic Church was preaching was burned at the stake, or worse. Often times non-believers, people with deformeties or people with mental problems were accused of being warlocks or witches. If they didnt confess their 'sins' and their devil worshipping, and accept god as their savior again, they'd get tortured until they did, or die in the process.

The Malleus Malleficarum is an interesting book. I cannot believe the catholic church would hand these things out to their Inquisitor Drones, but they did. In essence, this vile and evil book would go into detail as to how you could identify a witch, how you could accuse them of it, how the legal process would be and finally how you could torture them to squeeze "confessions" out of them. What would happend during thes witch trials was, they would torture these people until the person would finally say "yes! yes! Its all true! I was in cahoots with Satan! I repent! I love God now! Im sorry!" Of course, if you had a red hot poker about to be inserted up your ass you would say whatever the hell they wanted. Even if it werent true. But what happened with those poor souls who decided to keep their dignity? What about those who would remain true to themselves even in the face of death and torture? Well, those who didnt bend under the will of the Catholic Church's torture devices (and there were many of those!) would die in gruesome ways. You should see some of the ways these people were tortured during the Inquisition, horrid horrid things were done. And this happend, this aint no fantasy tale.

Sorry if I go in a rant about this right smack in the middle of my review of this film, but I consider this a great evil that occured and I feel a need to comment on it. To me all of this came as a result of The Church being scared of non-believers emerging through the masses. As a way to scare everyone into submission. To make them do what the church says...or else! Also, it seems Misogyny (the hatred of women) was rampant during the those days as well. Women were seen as inferior, as something less then man. Not worthy of having their own opinion. And Im willing to bet a lot of these "witches" that were burned at the stake werent witches at all, but women who had the daring to go up against all the hate. To stand up against the opression. It all stems from the church's fear of women taking over the world! Its so ridiculous to think this actually happened. Why cant we all just live happily on this earth? Both men and women? It seems that the Catholic Church had other plans for women. Thankfully, those plans fell through and today women are respected and applauded more then ever. But back in those days, it was different! I mean, you can even go as far back as the bible itself, you'll see just how low women are potrayed all the time. They are usually portrayed as the problem starters, the whores. Men where the leader of the people, the saviors of the world. Gods. Hell, it was Eve, the first woman, who gave the apple to Adam. Accoreding to the bible the original "sin" was started by a woman listening to the devil! Which has a lot in common with the witch trials, in the Malleus Malleficarum, it is said that women were more inclined to being witches because their lust was uncontrollable! Which is something that is portrayed in this film Im reviewing today.

The film basically takes all these witch fantasies and stories and plays them out. You see, when these women where being tortured into submission, they would say these tall tales about meeting Satan, and all these rituals they supposedly did, black masses and all that. They would say this so that the priests inquisitors would stop torturing them. And the priests wrote every single one of these wild stories on the Malleus Malleficarum. Benjamin Christensen took these stories and acted them out on the film with often brilliant results. Im thinking he decided to bring these images to life simply to show how silly and unrealistic they are! Theres this whole sequence where witches are gathered around a campfire with the devil and they have to literally kiss his asshole! Giant animal like creatures guarding the entrances of gatherings! The devil calling out women to have sex with them in the middle of the night. Things like that. I gotta say, all these fantasies make for truly awesome visuals! Benjamin Christensen, the films director plays Satan himself! The make up work was astoundingly good for the time this film was made! I was amazed at how cool Satan looked in this movie, almost rivaling in coolness with Tim Currys Darkness in Ridley Scotts Legend.

The movie has an element of schock to it. The stories that appear in the Malleus Malleficarum are really out there and even include child sacrafices! Some of the most schoking moments from the film come during these sequences where we see a bunch of demons holding a little baby as he bleeds and they drink his blood and then throw its dead body in a cauldron to cook him and eat him! Im sure that mustve shocked audiences back in 1922 cause it shocked the hell out of me when I saw it. Theres moments with nuns in a monastery going bat shit insane when they get possesed by demons. So be ready for some schoking images. The black and white, grainy element adds to the spookiness. Keep in mind, this is a silent film, dont expect a regular film with dialog. This was made during the silent days of film, I personally love these silent films because they relly so much on mannerisms and transmitting ideas through images rather then words. I now hold Haxan in as high regard as I hold F. W. Murnaus Faust and Fritz Langs Metropolis. You know, top of the line silent films with excellent art direction and visuals.

You can watch two versions of the film in the Criterion disc. One version is the 1922 one which lasts 104 minutes which is really the most complete version of the movie that exists. And then theres the other version which was released in 1968. This version featured an eclectic jazz score by Daniel Humair (played by a quintet including Jean Luc Ponty on violin and Daniel Humair on percussion) and dramatic narration by William S. Burroughs. This is the version that Ive been reviewing, and honestly, its the one I liked the most. Its the most concise one of all. Plus that jazzy soundtrack adds to trippy vibe the visuals have.

This is daring film because of the power of its images and the audacity of what its saying. Its shinning a light on one of the greatest evils that ever happend on our planet. And it was done by the ever growing Catholic Church, which probably doesnt want you to see this type of film, cause it shows their true colors. Whats most interesting about this film is that a lot of cuts were made by the studios in order for the film to be released. People couldnt take the truth of it all, some of its most shocking images were edited out. Christensen received a lot of opposition during the making and distribution of this film, for showing things the way they really happened, which is sad. Many religious individuals didnt want this film to get out because it lets us see that religion can be mean, it can be almost as evil as any dictatorship. If you dont think or do what they want, they can get pretty violent! Anyhows, thanks to the wonder of dvd and modern technology we can now enjoy this amazing film in all its shocking glory. Highly recommend it.

Rating: 5 out of 5

Hi, welcome to my blog!

Hello to everyone and anyone out there reading. My name is Francisco Gonzalez (thats me on the left with the video camera in hand) and in case any of you might be wondering, Im a professional movie buff. I have been writing movie reviews for years now on many a movie web site. I've never written movie reviews on what you might call a professional level, though its been suggested as something that I should be doing by many of my friends. Ive always reviewed movies simply because I enjoy doing it, as a hobby. I enjoy letting others know what I think about a given picture. Ive been told I do it quite well. Its been years since Ive been doing this, so at the request of some of my friends (and for my own personal pleasure) I finally decided to start up my own movie review blog!

You might be asking yourself just what kind of movie reviews you might hope to find on this blog. Well, as the name of the blog suggests, Im a 'film connoisseur', which is really just a fancy word for a guy who knows a lot about movies. And I dont wanna pat myself in the back or nothing but I do watch a lot of movies! And I love writing, so I guess starting up a blog to speak about the movies I watch was only a natural step. I gotta write all this stuff I know somewhere!

Just so you know, I watch all kinds of movies. So on this blog you will find reviews for the strangest kind of artsy fartsy films (or 'high art' films to use the correct term) and the most commercial type of films or Hollywood films. From the sleaziest low budget b movies, to the classiest Oscar nominated flick. I also love horror and science fiction, so you will be seeing reviews for a lot of those types of films as well. In other words, this blog will not be limited to only one kind of film. Here I will be reviewing everything and anything that comes down my movie watching path. I just hope you guys will find it interesting or even useful somehow when it comes to choosing what film you want to sitdown and watch when youre ready to kick back and relax for a while.

So, without further ado, I leave you with my blog. My first film review will be up soon, wait for it!

See you around!

Francisco "Franco" Gonzalez