Random Weekly Douche

Evan Francis Brown, 20, of Gadsden, Alabama...



Not only did Brown live his life as a Japanese video game character, he somehow convinced his friends to join him... or at least try.

(from ClickOrlando)
Police: Man Claims He's A Vampire, Burns V On Teen
Police in Alabama say a 20-year-old man who believes he is a vampire and goes by the nickname "Vamp" is accused of burning a "V'' into a teenager's forehead. Evan Francis Brown has been charged with second-degree assault, a felony. Gadsden police detective Mike Hooks told The Gadsden Times that Brown heated a fork or a spoon on a stove and used it to brand a "V'' into a 17-year-old's forehead in October. Hooks says Brown tied the teen up, tricking him into believing they were playing a game. Police say the teenager also had cigarette burns on his face and arms and had been beaten. READ MORE

Spotted @ Newzjunky

Random Weekly Douche

Ricky New of Aiken County, South Carolina...



When will you learn that fleeing a crime scene in a lawnmower just doesn't cut it (pun definitely intended)

(from AikenStandard)
Stick-up suspect flees scene on mower
An Aiken man is in custody after a morning incident in which a clerk was beaten with a stick and the suspect tried to flee the scene on a riding lawn mower. Ricky New is charged with assault and battery, first degree, and armed robbery. Capt. Troy Elwell of the Aiken County Sheriff's office said the suspect entered the Kent's Corner convenience store this morning at 1925 Edgefield Highway. "The suspect entered the store armed with a stick and demanded money from the clerk before assaulting her. He received an undisclosed amount of money and fled the scene on his getaway vehicle, a Craftsman riding lawn mower," Elwell said. READ MORE

Spotted @ Newzjunky

Random Weekly Douche

Nisar Ahmed, 46, of Hungerford, Berkshire...



A panel has determined you to be "completely useless" at your job, please kindly remove yourself from society.

(from DailyMail)
The first teacher banned for life for being useless
A teacher who is judged to be incapable of ever improving his work has become the first to be banned for life from the classroom due to incompetence. Nisar Ahmed will never reach 'requisite standards' of teaching and cannot work in state schools again, a panel ruled. The General Teaching Council for England found the 46-year-old guilty of serious professional incompetence and said there was a risk that pupils would be seriously disadvantaged if he was ever allowed to return to lessons. Mr Ahmed was head of business studies at the John O'Gaunt Community Technology College in Hungerford, Berkshire, from September 2007 to January 2009. He had taught for a total of 13 years at schools across the South-East. His management of lessons was 'invariably' below standard, the GTC disciplinary panel was told. READ MORE

Spotted @ Drudge

Random Weekly Douche

Jonathan D. Popple, 26, of Wisconsin...



I guess the calming effects of weed don't apply to alien encounters.

(from WiscNews)
Stoned man shoots at 'alien'
A Baraboo man police say shot a hole in his floor after seeing an alien while stoned on marijuana sat jailed Tuesday awaiting the next step in his case. Jonathan D. Popple, 26, appeared in Sauk County Circuit Court on Monday via video conference link from the Sauk County Law Enforcement Center lockup. He was facing felony counts of possession of pot with intent to deliver and possessing a gun while intoxicated stemming from an incident Saturday afternoon, according to court documents. About 2:30 p.m. police were called to a house on Ninth Street after someone reported hearing a gunshot inside, according to the criminal complaint. Officers spoke to Popple, who said he had been smoking pot since getting up that day and was cleaning his gun in his bedroom. He said he initially thought the weapon’s safety was on. READ MORE

Spotted @ Newzjunky

Random Mayernaise

Dear John Mayer, if you ever had a "hood pass" it's been revoked...



One little Chappelle Show appearance and this guy thought he could just spew out the N Bomb? Damn Johnny, I was finally starting to get behind some of your music...

(from MTV)
John Mayer Slammed By Rappers, Readers For Playboy Interview
Following his ill-advised comments in a Playboy magazine interview, in which he used the "N" word, John Mayer has drawn some fire from the hip-hop community. On Wednesday, Mayer apologized for some of the comments he made in the interview, in which he talked freely about sex, former girlfriends Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson, and — most controversially — made comments about black women and his lack of a " 'hood pass" that many have perceived as racist. On his Twitter, the Roots' ?uestlove seemed to be in a thoughtfully forgiving mood about the outburst. "Hmmm. I'll give Mayer a benefit of the doubt (remember how people misinterpreted my photo?) and assume that was a punchline gone awry," he tweeted, referring to a photo of an apparently racist lunch menu at the NBC café that ?uest posted as a joke for Black History Month. But the drummer wasn't done with Mayer. He added, "LOL then again on 2nd read ... can't wait to see spin on this. I swear his #1 demographic is the white dude black women would do in a second." But Talib Kweli rubbed it in a bit, writing on his Twitter page, "My man John Mayer must love the taste of his own foot." READ MORE

Random Weekly Douche

Hayden Wright, 4, of Chattanooga...



Normally I would feel bad about calling a 4-year-old a douche bag, but this kid really had it coming to him. He's basically The Grinch

(from NewsChannel9)
Drunk 4-Year-Old Steals Christmas Presents
A 4-year-old boy, beer in hand, is accused of stealing Christmas presents from his neighbors. It's a strange story, but also a sad one. April Wright is 21 years old and is going through a divorce with her husband who is in jail. She says she is not sure how her 4-year-old managed to get out of the house, open a beer, and steal the neighbors presents from under their tree. Now she's just glad he's okay and says she won't let it happen again. The child, Hayden Wright, was found around 1:45 am Tuesday, wandering the streets of his neighborhood. In a police reports, officers said he was wearing a little girl's dress and drinking a beer. The police report says the child had to be taken to the hospital to be treated for alcohol consumption. READ MORE

Random Weekly Douche

Terrell Lamont McIntyre, 29, of Fayetteville...



For refusing to learn your lesson... You're a Douche bag!

(from WRAL)
Bond raised for burglary suspect arrested three times in a month
Fayetteville police said they arrested a 29-year-old man Tuesday morning on charges of breaking-and-entering for the third time in a month. Officers were called out to a breaking-and-entering in progress at the Abbots Landing Apartments around 7 a.m. Tuesday, police said. Officers tracked down a car and two men matching descriptions given by witnesses. Charges of felony conspiracy and attempted breaking-and-entering were filed against Terrell Lamont McIntyre READ MORE

Thanks to D. Bowens for the link!

Random Weekly Douche

Joey Miller, 20, of Carroll, Iowa...



For thinking you had effectively hidden your identity with that marker, you're a total douche bag.

(from Yahoo)
Iowa cops nab 'permanent marker' burglary suspects
Police had no trouble identifying two men accused of trying to break into a Carroll apartment. Police were responding to a call about an attempted burglary when they pulled over a car matching the alleged suspects' vehicle. Inside the car, officers found two men with their faces blackened with permanent marker. Police said the caller described two men with painted faces attempting to break into an apartment Friday night before driving off. Matthew McNelly, 23, and Joey Miller, 20, were arrested at gunpoint after officers were told they might be armed. Neither man had a weapon. McNelly and Miller were each charged with attempted second-degree burglary. Both men were released after posting bond. Attorneys for the men declined comment Tuesday.

Thanks to J. McGlinchy for the link!

Random Weekly Douche

Michael David Barrett, 47, of Westmont, Ill...



If your bold enough to film Erin Andrews naked, upload it to the internet and not get caught one time, you're pretty lucky. Twice, you might be a sneaky porn wizard. Three times and you are definitely pushing your luck... Eight times, okay now you're officially a dumb-ass and you deserve to get arrested!

(from Telegraph)
Erin Andrews' alleged stalker Michael David Barrett 'made naked videos of other women'
Michael David Barrett, an insurance executive accused of making secret nude videos of ESPN sports reporter Erin Andrews, also uploaded videos of other unsuspecting naked women to the internet, a prosecutor claimed. Barrett, 47, is accused of making the videos of Andrews by modifying peepholes in hotel room doors using a hacksaw and then filming on a mobile phone camera. He is alleged to have then tried to sell the videos to celebrity gossip website TMZ. Barrett is charged with stalking which carries a potential maximum five year jail sentence. He appeared in court in Illinois where he was bailed but ordered to wear an ankle monitoring bracelet and not to use the internet. READ MORE

Random Weekly Douche

Daniel Larson, 32, of Cape Coral...

To start off a new weekly feature, I'll take a look at Daniel Larson, the most wanted man in Lee County, Florida. Usually when you have an extensive record, you try to avoid doing dumb things that might land you in jail... like say, I don't know... Stealing $120 worth of Nintendo games. Congrats Danny boy! You're a douchebag!

(from news-press)
Lee County's most wanted fugitive arrested trying to steal video games, police say
Daniel Larson, 32, of Cape Coral, already had an extensive criminal record, leading to his place on the list. He had two convictions for armed robbery with a deadly weapon in 1999 and 2004, and another 1999 conviction for kidnapping. On Sept. 5, Larson was arrested on a larceny charge but was released the following day. He told police Wednesday he was released from the jail using fake identification. Larson was wanted for violating probation on one of the armed robbery charges in 2006. On Wednesday, Larson tried to leave Walmart at 1619 Del Prado Blvd. with the video games stuffed in his pants and shoes when he was stopped by a loss prevention officer, according to a police report. READ MORE