The Devil's Rain (1975)

Title: The Devils Rain (1975)

Director: Robert Fuest

Cast: Ernest Borgnine, Tom Skerrit, William Shatner, John Travolta

Review:

When it comes to Satan worshipping films, very few of them achieve a level of believability. Most of the time they come of as silly, corny, or just plain laughable. Recently I had the opportunity of seeing Hammer Films To the Devil...a Daughter, and honestly, most of the time it was a laugh fest to me. It’s very rare for these films to come of as serious or scary. I’ve yet to see Ken Russell’s The Devils, but it sounds like a promising Satan Worshipping film. I’ve heard some good things about that one. Of the rare films that deal with this subject matter only a handful of them are good. Roman Polanski’s seems to be one of the few directors to understand how to make these kinds of films. His two Satanism films, The Ninth Gate (1999) and Rosemary’s Baby (1968) are proof of this. The Omen and its sequels are decent.

Run! The Christians are here! And they've brought William Shatner with them!

The Devils Rain caught my attention for various reasons. One of them was that it was one of John Travolta’s first performances ever. Another was that William Shatner (aka Captain Kirk) was in it. But these weren’t the big draws for me with this movie. What really grabbed me was that they used the "high priest of the church of Satan" (a.k.a. Anton Lavey) as a technical advisor for the film. That fact really peeked my curiosity for this film. Not because Im interested in Satanism or anything like that (I actually believe its one big joke!) but because I wanted to see what Anton Lavey, the founder of the “Church of Satan” could conjure up. Shouldn’t the high priest of Satan have a clear idea of what Satan is supposed to be like? Would he make us crap in our pants with a real vision of what Satan is like? Apparently not. Apparently the guy is full of shit. Apparently, he has a very cartoonish notion of what Satan is supposed to be like! If Ernest Borgnine with a gotee is what Satan is supposed to be like…then hell is one funny place! It’s a riot! Which just proves what I have always thought about religious leaders. They know nothing about what they preach!

Moving on, I can’t say Anton Lavey is the only guy to blame, for who is more responsible for what appears up on the movie screen then the films director? In this case, Robert Fuest was the man behind the camera. He had directed previous black horror comedies like The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971)and Dr. Phibes Rises Again (1972). So it comes as no surprise that The Devils Rain came off as being a complete laugh riot as opposed to being a serious horror film about Satanism. This film received scathing reviews from critics everywhere destroying forever Robert Fuest’s directorial carreer. He ended up doing mostly tv work after this film was over with.

The story for The Devil’s Rain concerns a satanic cult led by a man named Corbis, played by Ernest Borgnine. William Shatner’s mom and dad have turned into devil worshippers! And Shatner wants to rescue them! Good news is that William Shatner’s dad betrays the Satanists and hands Shatner a magical book containing the names of all of those who have sold their souls to the Devil! Now Shatner holds the book! Corbis needs the book back in order to send the souls of all his followers to hell. Unfortunately, William Shatner has the book and he doesn’t want to give it back! I love that scene where he says with that unique Shatner voice: "I won’t give a devil man what he wants!"

This movie was a fun watch. I think it’s the combination of Ernest Borgnine and William Shatner is what did it for me. These guys are a hoot to watch! Ernest Borgnine as Corbis is positively evil! But weird as it may be, he is also funny! In an unintentional way that is. Borgnine’s performance is both cheesy and good at the same time. He looks funny dressed in red garments all the while his beer belly sticks out like a sore thumb. And it’s even funnier hearing him call the devil, saying all sorts of sacrilegious phrases. Then there’s Shatner who is always enjoyable to watch! He is guilty of over acting on this film on more then one occasion. He spoke his words as if he was giving commands aboard the Enterprise. It felt to me like the filmmakers brought these two actors together to see if they could bring the cheese factor higher. Well, I’ll tell ya, they achieved it. And goddamn it, even with all its faults, this film was fun as hell to watch. And for those of you holding their breath to catch Travolta in his second film role -his first being the William Shatner directed The Tenth Level (1975)- well don’t blink cause you just might miss it. He is virtually unrecognizable under the satanic black garments and make up. Honestly, the only way I recognized him was by looking at the dimple in his chin. He is practically an extra on this film. Well, I guess we all got to start somewhere!

The atmosphere in the movie is excellent. Right from the first opening minutes you are treated to an opening sequence that will certainly pull you in! You are right smack in the middle of a lightning storm with buckets and buckets of rain falling and the wind blowing like a madman. It just pulled me in right away and I loved that! Then there’s the spooky ghost town in which the Satanist’s do their worshipping. The isolation factor was very high on this production. The desolated town was a ripe old place for Satan mongers to fester in!

Something that has to be mentioned when talking about this Satanic Opus is the make up effects. We have to remember that this movie was boasting to have "the most incredible ending on any motion picture ever!" So of course, we should expect something special in its last frames. And special it was. Not mind blowingly special, but special enough to liven up my Saturday night. The ending was all sorts of gooey, messy, wet and slimy. Well worth the wait. The ending definitely lives up to the films title. What I really liked about the ending is that it goes on and on! We get to see slimy Satan worshipers melting in the rain for a long time! They really took their time to show these devil bastards melting in every which way they could possibly think of. I guess they spent a lot of the movies budget on the melting effects so they really wanted you to get a good look at them. Some might think this goes on for longer then it should, but I enjoyed it just the way it is.

The film has a couple of negative things about it. Number one, its pretty dull. I mean, it has all the elements for an entertaining movie, it just doesn’t know how to display them in an entertaining fashion. But of course, the cheesy factor comes in and makes things a bit more watchable. So yeah, its cheesy as hell. I mean come on dudes! Didn’t they use a high priest of the church of Satan to write this thing? Yet the whole thing comes off as a cartoony version of devil worship. Even the devil himself is a cartoon on this one! Complete with goat horns and all! I was expecting something a bit more serious from a movie that boasted having a high priest of the church of Satan helping them along the way. But no, we get the cartoon version of what Satanism is like. But this is not to say that the movie want fun...it was oodles of fun. Just not real or scary which is one of the main complaints with this movie. Its all about Satan, but it doesn’t even try to be scary. And yet another negative thing about the film is that it never really explains why the rain melts away the devil worshippers. Why do they die when rain hits them? Who the hell knows!

In conclusion, this was a fun movie with lots of cool little things to keep you interested, gooey slimy fx, cheesy story and acting. Plus don’t forget the Satanism which we all know is always good for a laugh. I consider Satanist to be lower in the religious beliefs pantheon. It somehow feels sillier then all other religions put together. Well, maybe not sillier then Scientology, but pretty damn close! So just remember, this movie is fun times, if you don’t take it seriously. It’s just not that type of movie and anyway the minute Shatner starts saying his dialogue you’ll think his going to beam Satan up to the enterprise or something. How can you not laugh at that?

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5

Fanboys (2009)

Title: Fan Boys (2009)



Director: Kyle Newman


Review:


So this movie had a bit of a rocky production phase, where first the movie was going to be about a bunch of guys who want to break into George Lucas's Skywalker Ranch so that their cancer ridden friend can see the movie before he dies. But then the films producers said no way, take out the cancer plot and make it about them getting drunk in a Halloween party and deciding to do it. So then they hired a second director to do some reshoots, to eliminate the cancer plot. Internet geeks (more dangerous then your average geek) got a whiff of this decision and decided to start a petition against this.


The movies opening date kept being pushed further and further which is something you dont want to do with your movie cause fanboys and film buffs immediately get suspicious with a film that keeps getting pushed further and further, makes us think theres something wrong with the movie if the studio keeps tinkering with it over and over. Then the fanboys wanted the cancer plot back in the movie! They didnt want the producers to change the plot! Then, disaster struck the production when the guy who was directing the re-shoots (not Kyle Newman the films original director) insulted some fanboys on the internet and called them dumb and stupid and all sorts of insults. As a result the film got the geek community (the films core audience) to turn its back on the film! So then the producers realize the gigantic mistake they made so they decide to give the original director a chance and re-edit the film to include the cancer plot back into the movie and by now you probably have a headache.

I wish all this hoopla over cancer plot or no cancer plot had been worth it. Honestly. I mean, the premise was a good one. Get the ultimate Star Wars Geekazoids to try and break into Skywalker ranch to see Episode I before anyone does. I mean, the possibilities are endless for jokes and silly situations. Would the film have been any better had the character had cancer or not? I dont think so. Cancer is treated so unrealisticly in this movie anyways! The cancer ridden teen is jumping fences with grapling hooks for crying out loud!

Sadly, the real problem with this movie is that the script wasnt really all that funny either. It just didnt really click. It wasnt funny enough. And all this even though the film had George Lucas's seal of approval! All this after Lucas lets them use the bleeps and sounds effects from his movies to make the movie more faithful to the whole Star Wars universe! My main gripe with the film? The script and the cast sucked. Not only was the script not funny enough, it chose the unfunniest young actors on the planet for this movie. Heres an idea: if your script is trying to be funny, but it really isnt all that funny, get yourself a cast of funny young up coming comedians to star in your movie. They might make your wannabe funny script better then it really is! Sadly, we get a Jack Black wannabe (Sorry but thats all Dan Fogler transmits to me with his movies) and three other bland actors (Christ Marquette, Sam Huntington and Jay Baruchel). Add the too beautiful to be with geeks Kristen Bell. And the result is a movie that isnt funny. Jokes fall flat!

In my opinion, the film itself didnt make enough fun of geeks themselves. How hard is it to make fun of geekazoids? Not very hard. Really. They paid too much respect to the geek if you ask me. Insult the target audience, they'll love it! They'l laugh when they see themselves reflected on the characters. This is something that Grandma's Boy got right. Now theres a movie that knew its target audience, made fun of them yet respected them at the same time. By the way, I think Grandma's Boy is incredibly overrated, if you havent seen it and you are a geek/gamer, go rent it right now! You are sure to laugh, something you probably didnt do much of while watching Fanboys.

This film tried really hard, it really did. Maybe a little too hard. They made Harry Knowles a character in the film, a guy who gives the four geeks pointers as to who to meet in order to infiltrate Skywalker Ranch, problem is, its not really Harry Knowles! Its some actor immitating him. They have Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes make a pointless and stupid cameo in the movie. They have two actors from the original Star Wars movies to appear, Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia) and Billy Dee Williams (Lando Calrissian) again two pointless uninspired cameos. Carrie Fisher plays a hospital director who has no problem with letting a terminally ill cancer patient walk out the door, kidnapped by his friends, and she is okay with this because she gives him some magic pills that will make everything alright? That scene reminded me of a scene from a ridiculous movie called Breakin 2 Electric Boogaloo, where the exact same thing happens with a character, only he leaves breakdancing out of the hospital and his broken leg magically heals through the power of breakdancing! Ray Park (Darth Maul himself) appears in the film as one of the security guards inside of George Lucas's home. Not even Shatners cameo saves the film, and thats saying a lot, cause I think Shatners a funny dude.


Theres little touches of coolness here and there. I liked how the security guards in George Lucas's home are the robots from THX-1138, that was a nice touch, only they dont look nowhere nearly as cool as the robots from Lucas's film, which was made way back in 1971! I liked how the geeks van has a ligthspeed button and that they have a little R2 stuck on the vans roof. Some cameos almost worked, for example, Danny McBride who appears as one of the head security guards. Seth Rogen appears as a Star Trek fan who used to be a hard core Star Wars fan who went to the "darkside" of the force. But these little touches come in a little too late in the movie, the film is already a disjointed mess and just doenst click.


You might find this movie mildly enjoyable if you are a Star Wars/Star Trek fan, everybody else will think is ridiculous and unfunny. Star Wars fans will have to stick with Mel Brook's Spaceballs until the next Star Wars comedy comes along. And hey, that aint a bad thing, Spaceballs is genuinly funny.


Rating: 2 out of 5